Thursday, May 23, 2002
I just wanted to say one more thing. Although I didn't talk to Paul again today, this is the conversation we had over his cell phone and my email account:
Paul: "I love you and am terrified to call. You sounded so upset and sad last night."
Joe: "Big breakdown last night. Sorry for scaring you. It wasnt ur fault. Just wanted to hear ur voice."
{{Major delay in text exchange}}
Paul: "Do you want to hear my voice?"
(I melt in my seat)
Joe: "You are the love of my life"
Paul: "Ohhhh"
And that's it. When I told Rita the story earlier, I left out the part where I say "You are the love of my life", cuz I am so embarrassed that I said that. And this is (quickly) why...
After this wonderful little text exchange, Paul still didn't call me. My hysterical tears didn't make him call me last night and it didn't make him call me today. Even though I was really cool with him during the messages. REALLY COOL.
When he said to me..."Do you want to hear my voice?", I almost started to cry. (Now YES I am emotional today, but it was just...just...so perfect)
He is so damn ignorant, but when he pulls out the big guns and goes for my heart, I surrender every time. He is the only person in my life that makes it impossible for me to hold a grudge. He definitely has the key to my heart.
He doesn't even recognize that it is in his hand. But it is. I want him. I want only him.
Today.
I am so confused by love. And even more so...
I am so confused by my love for Paul.
But as long as he holds this key...I am his.
I can't imagine asking for the key back.
Paul: "I love you and am terrified to call. You sounded so upset and sad last night."
Joe: "Big breakdown last night. Sorry for scaring you. It wasnt ur fault. Just wanted to hear ur voice."
{{Major delay in text exchange}}
Paul: "Do you want to hear my voice?"
(I melt in my seat)
Joe: "You are the love of my life"
Paul: "Ohhhh"
And that's it. When I told Rita the story earlier, I left out the part where I say "You are the love of my life", cuz I am so embarrassed that I said that. And this is (quickly) why...
After this wonderful little text exchange, Paul still didn't call me. My hysterical tears didn't make him call me last night and it didn't make him call me today. Even though I was really cool with him during the messages. REALLY COOL.
When he said to me..."Do you want to hear my voice?", I almost started to cry. (Now YES I am emotional today, but it was just...just...so perfect)
He is so damn ignorant, but when he pulls out the big guns and goes for my heart, I surrender every time. He is the only person in my life that makes it impossible for me to hold a grudge. He definitely has the key to my heart.
He doesn't even recognize that it is in his hand. But it is. I want him. I want only him.
Today.
I am so confused by love. And even more so...
I am so confused by my love for Paul.
But as long as he holds this key...I am his.
I can't imagine asking for the key back.
